Day 2

Quit cold turkey for 47 hours now. Feeling pretty good about it, except getting quite strong cravings quite often, maybe every 20-30 minutes. It feels like an intense need to suck smoke into my lungs, residing in my throat. Totally pointless. Making me want to rip my throat out and toss it across the room, maybe even smoke it. Currently the longest I have ever gone without smoking, in my four attempts at quitting. Getting a bit of a cough as well, I guess that is the shitty tar getting cleared out of my lungs. Just read something that says tomorrows cravings may be at their greatest – fuck ‘em. I don’t need that shit. The only reason I want a cigarette is because of cigarettes. Philosophically circular, and thus shit, reasoning. Jesus, the weeks seem so damn short when I was smoking, now these two days feel like for – fucking – ever. Worth it, if I beat this addiction. And worth it as I no longer smell like shit. Downside to this is that I have no comeback against my roommate, which used to be (quite cruelly) breathing my shitty smoky breath all over them. When I was smoking it was about 15 a day. Wake up, have shower, have breakfast…ooooohhhh yeaaaaahhh the first cig of the day. Glory. The intermittently throughout the day every hour or so. I enjoyed the break it gave to the day. I guess I will have to find something else to fill that void (I’ve been starting mediating to improve my concentration, I guess that is one option). What really sucked (yaaha) was the smell. Going inside, people reeling from you, and you not realising how shit you smelt. It is not as if people are going to want to sniff you when you smell of 4000 toxic substances. “yeah baby, breath me deep. Don’t those carcinogen’s smell great, real good body!”