Day 3

Heh, zing! 67 hours. Phew. How do I feel? nasty. and nice. nasty=shitty cravings driving me mad. nice=not stinking, saving dorra, lungs clearing. seem to be getting taste and smell back a bit as well. went into kitchen and WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! horrible fishy burnt smell. ew. been reading allen carr’s “easyway to quit smoking”. granted, i haven’t finished it, and stopped smoking a day before i began reading it (he says to keep smoking til ya finish it), but still, doesn’t seem that easy. his crux seems to be “1. make the decision that you are never going to smoke again. 2. don’t mope about it. rejoice!” well, pretty sure i got the first one down. second? pft…there are times when i really would “like” one i guess more for the psychological dependence than physical. times when i wanna whip out the pouch, smell that raisin-y smell of fresh backy, roll an ace cigarette and light ‘er up. these times, generally between studying. was studying for an hour today, then really wanted one, i guess because i used to have one after the hour. but having a cigarette is what caused this “want” in the first place! and having one will only make it worse! fucken things. i want them for the “break” they give. or seem to give, to the day. something that gives you a few minutes to yourself, to think shit over. egh. but this is not the true reality. these what i may perceive as “benefits” are a waste of time. so, i get ten minutes to mull stuff over, well mull this over: those ten minutes were fucking pointless, having that cigarette just plunges me deeper into addiction, making it more likely that i’ll die from a horrible disease.

also, last night i dreamt about smoking. in the dream i was at a gig or something, and was smoking, then in the dream i “woke up” and realised that it was just a dream. then i actually woke up.