14 days

BAM! kind of anti climatic. the famed “2 weeks”. jeez. more of a fade away than a burn out…but there ya go, whaddidya expect? i have not had 180 cigarettes and saved £18. 180 cigarettes sounds like a lot of filth to be inhaling. do i still want one? yeah sure. writing this, i do. i am thinking about them. but is it the same as in the first few days? not at all. those first few days, i would be intensely craving them. i don’t think i had one of those today. but i can still see potential for relapse which i need to keep on top of. for example, watching bill hicks. funny guy. a hero of mine. smoked. died of cancer. but also, brendan kelly, the bassist of the lawrence arms. smoked when younger. doesn’t now. he provides some good reasons in his blog

“Smoking: Never a good move. It’s a real kick in the balls though, because it looks great. There’s no one on this earth that ever started smoking for a reason other than “it looks cool”. Oh, yeah, almost no one admits this. People have all sorts of convoluted bullshit reasons why they claim to have started smoking, but none of it holds up under scrutiny. I mean, there’s no way that people can innocently fall into a habit that requires you getting sick and hating life for about two weeks before your body adjusts to taking in a new kind of poison. No one on earth ever enjoyed the first cigarette they tried. NO ONE. That’s a fucking universal truth, up there with ‘if you stick a pin through your skin, you’ll bleed.”
Here’s the thing though: smoking IS cool. It’s reckless and it looks rad and it really shows the world that you don’t even give a fuck enough to not walk around smelling like shit. Unforch, it’s also really wack. And it makes you die, so there’s that.” March 1, 2010

“Dumb smoking. It’s gross. I don’t believe I used to do that shit for fun.

Actually, it was more than fun. I smoked because I thought it looked cool. That’s the only reason anyone ever starts smoking and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit. You know why? Because there’s no other reason to start smoking. No non smoker ever was nervous and suddenly, out of nowhere decided that a cigarette would calm them down. That’s a tic brought on by addiction and/or socialization. No non smoker ever looked at someone wafting disgusting smoke at them after a meal and decided, ‘that really does look like it would make this dining experience complete.” The first time you ever smoke a cigarette, it makes you sick. The second time you smoke a cigarette, it makes you sick. There’s NO POINT where the flavor ever tastes good. Cigarettes taste like shit. You know that smell? It’s similar to that of burnt hair? That’s cigarettes, that’s also how they taste. They make you smell like shit, taste like an ashtray, look like a piece of beef jerky, die, and generally look like a neurotic turd who has to step out onto the porch every fifteen minutes to indulge your disgusting habit. AND, you CAN’T EVEN GET INTO IT WITHOUT GETTING SICK AND PRACTICING! It’s impossible to introduce poison to an organism and have it be a pleasurable experience. Only in repetition can cigarettes become enjoyable. And THAT, my friends, is why anyone who tells you that they smoke for any reason other than “I thought it looked cool” is just like someone who tells you they read playboy for the articles or goes to Thailand for the history of it all…full of shit. You know why people go to Thailand, right, dogs of war? Discuss in the sock drawer. Go ahead.” August 17, 2009

Jesus that’s a lot of text. bah, fuck it, i put it there as a “go to” if i ever feel the urge.

I actually found myself today googling whether another of my hero’s smoked, as a justification for potential relapse “well, they did it, and they are fucking cool, so why shouldn’t i?”. this is a completely stupid reason to smoke. i’m sure that lots of my hero’s were into drugs and all kinds of nasty shit that i don’t want to get involved in, but that isn’t a good reason for doing them.

interestingly, this mephedrone hoohar is a kind of bullshit story. hello, you dumb fucks, cigarettes and alcohol are addictive, and kill a ridiculous amount of people. yes, they are legal. people should not fucking expect to be healthy after taking something explicitly marked “not for human consumption”. pretty much every known drug has unhealthy side effects (the people who invent an unaddictive, non-psychological/physical dependence forming and healthy drug are going to make ££££). so why should people assume this to be any different? people taking this shit should think “hang on, i don’t know a) what i’m actually taking or b) what it will do to my body. if i’m going to search for a high, why not do something where the risks are known and documented and i can get help for”.